While living in Edmonton, I asked a few neurologists if they knew anything about surgeries to correct my paralysis.  They all said they hadn't heard of anything.  Rotters.  I was asking the wrong group of doctors.  When I moved to Fredericton to go to University (and again), I went to a GP for a check up.  She sent me to a Plastic Surgeon to get his opinion on a mole.  The mole was nothing but this guy couldn't believe I hadn't "done something" about my face.  He then proceeded to tell me that surgeries had been performed for the past 15 years or so to do exactly what I had been asking about for years.  Initially, the surgery was only done on children; I had heard of that from a newpaper clipping my aunt and uncle sent me while I was still living up North.  I had asked about the surgery by name when I was in Edmonton.  Now, out of the blue, I was being told that the surgery did exist, it was covered by medicare, and I could go to Toronto if I wanted to have it done.  Oh, yeah.  It was that easy.

 

In April, 2004, I jumped on a plane, went to Toronto, had an hour consult with Dr. Manktelow and spent another half hour getting photos taken, and then it was over.  They could do the surgery.  It would take a year to set up, but it would happen.  I spent the next couple of weeks clenching my teeth involuntarily because this could be the action that would make me smile after surgery.  That wore off eventually, but for a while there, my jaw was so sore!

 

And so time passed.

 

I got the word just three weeks before the surgery date.  February 3, 8 am.  I made arrangements to leave right after our class had a two-day seminar.  January 29.  I was more stressed during that seminar than I had been in ages.  I didn't think I was worried about the actual surgery - I hardly thought about it at all.  But, after spending two intense days with people I genuinely like and enjoy, the reality of what I was going to do set in.  I had lived my whole life wondering what others thought of me and dreading new situations.  Here were people that I had only gotten to know over the past six months and I knew them better, and they knew me better, than any bunch of students that I had known before.  I was totally overwhelmed.  All that angst, all the times I didn't join in or do something because of how I looked, all the frustration and sadness, everything came up in the last ten minutes before we broke for the day.  I cried.  I didn't think I would, because I usually don't, and I just felt so tired.  My friends were there.  And they cared.

 

So, here I am creating/updating my website after surgery.  I'll be adding pictures here that document the healing process, so check back soon.  Also, check the link to my blog  for a more up-to-the-minute kind of commentary.